I follow some really amazing women’s blogs and yesterday came across this post: I am a Farmer . It made me sad and filled me with longing because, well, I am not a farmer. Not yet. And sometimes that breaks my heart. It’s all I want to be right now but I am having a hard time prioritizing it – because there are just too many other people and things that need my attention right now. Instead of waking up each day and putting my hands in the dirt, instead of feeling at one with my property and the earth, instead of filling my home and my heart and my belly with good healthy plants and food and light – I go to work.
And that’s not to say that I don’t love my work. I do- at both jobs. Sometimes I feel like I’m exactly where I need to be because I connect with a particular student in a way that they so obviously needed that moment. But sometimes I also feel chained to my desk, and captured by a screen. It’s also nice to be getting two extra paychecks every month that help fund our renovations and make our finances less stressful. I’m very lucky and I can’t complain. And I don’t really want to watch poor piggies getting hacked apart, which is probably obvious if you know me, but I do want the rest of it. The feeling of accomplishment and the knowledge that I am healing our earth and our community in my own small way. I want it so badly.
In happy news, I worked into the night all by my lonesome putting all the siding on the chicken coop yesterday so all it needs is a roof and a coat of paint. I may not be a farmer but I am growing more capable and confident each day.